Monday, December 15, 2003
Winter Blues
A lot has been going on in the last few months that has kept me from blogging. Of course there have been many fun things happening, like the fall quarter of school being finally over and the holiday season getting under way. However, I've also experienced great disappointment. I used to think that if I want something really bad and work my butt off to get it, that it will happen... Well, in this case things just didn't happen that way, and now I have no choice but accept it.
I am a big believer in that things in life happen for a reason. We may not always know why, but it's all part of a bigger plan that we just don't have the capacity to see yet. What we can do is make the best decision we can at the time. And if we have no control over the situation, the true test of character is how we react to circumstances beyond our control. I know that what happened, happened for a reason, and I'm sure that looking back some time from now, I'll have a clearer understanding of it. I also realize that I have to move on, be strong, and focus on the positive. But I still have to face the fact that it just plain hurts. Actually, it sucks big time and I think that it will take me some time to get over it.
The problem is, I had a dream. There was something that I really wanted and for at least a month was looking forward to, preparing for, and stressing over. It was my light at the end of the tunnel. Now that it's not going to happen, I have to regroup and figure out what I'm going to do with myself now. I don't have that dream anymore. So, I need to find other things to get excited about, which ultimately means that I will need to make some big decisions about the direction I want to take in the future. But I simply don't have the desire to think about it right now. I think I'll just take the next three weeks off and focus on totally unrelated things, and forget about all this shit for now. And then we'll see. But not until 2004.
I am a big believer in that things in life happen for a reason. We may not always know why, but it's all part of a bigger plan that we just don't have the capacity to see yet. What we can do is make the best decision we can at the time. And if we have no control over the situation, the true test of character is how we react to circumstances beyond our control. I know that what happened, happened for a reason, and I'm sure that looking back some time from now, I'll have a clearer understanding of it. I also realize that I have to move on, be strong, and focus on the positive. But I still have to face the fact that it just plain hurts. Actually, it sucks big time and I think that it will take me some time to get over it.
The problem is, I had a dream. There was something that I really wanted and for at least a month was looking forward to, preparing for, and stressing over. It was my light at the end of the tunnel. Now that it's not going to happen, I have to regroup and figure out what I'm going to do with myself now. I don't have that dream anymore. So, I need to find other things to get excited about, which ultimately means that I will need to make some big decisions about the direction I want to take in the future. But I simply don't have the desire to think about it right now. I think I'll just take the next three weeks off and focus on totally unrelated things, and forget about all this shit for now. And then we'll see. But not until 2004.
