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Tuesday, April 06, 2004


Good Book = Good Sleep 

You may wonder what's the deal with all the book reviews that I have been posting lately. Well, these are just some books that I've read over the last few months but haven't had a chance to review yet. There will probably be more regular book reviews in the future, as I've taken up reading in earnest again.

With my busy schedule, "I never have time to read (for fun)" is what I always used to say. But I've recently developed a pretty good system for reading regularly: I now do it each night before I go to bed. I have discovered that if I read even for 15-20 minutes, that I fall asleep much easier and faster. In the past, I would often toss and turn for half an hour or more before finally being able to fall asleep. I simply had too many thoughts swarming around in my head. It was very difficult for me to shut my overactive brain off. Reading, on the other hand, calms my mind and I can drift off into sleep peacefully.

I've decided that taking a little time to read every night is really not such a big sacrifice of time, especially since I end up getting more and better sleep as a result. Of course, the added benefit is that I can finally start going through the stacks of books that have been patiently waiting for me for all these years!

Book Review: Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self 


Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self is an unusual book. I have never read the author's celebrated Simple Abundance, so I had no basis for comparison with her previous work. Something More is different from most self-help books that I've read in that it's more of a meditation than a specific framework for solving particular problems.

The book's intention is to inspire women to search for "something more" in their lives through a collection of the author's personal experiences and examples from lives of other women, both fictional and real. She draws lessons from these assorted stories and presents them in a series of short, often one- or two-page chapters. There are also a number of exercises at the end of six sections of the book, aimed to give the reader an opportunity to rediscover her "authentic self."

I found the book to be frustrating at times. First of all, the short sub-chapters are often disjointed and there appears to be very little flow in the development of ideas. Rather, the entire book consists more or less of short meditations, some of which are quite insightful, while others are simply impenetrable. Second, the author was trying to resolve some deep personal issues while working on this book, and this unfortunately taints both the lessons and the overall mood of the book. Recently divorced, she was clearly still very bitter. For this reason, she can often come across as advocating selfishness to women, although I think that this is merely her way of dealing with a personal disappointment and struggling to regain self-confidence. Finally, the exercises that she suggests might be helpful to some (especially people who have saved many mementos from their childhood, since her idea of rediscovering your authentic self involves going through these old items), but they struck me as somewhat contrived and ultimately not very helpful.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy reading the book and appreciated some of its insights. Some of the discussion is quite thought-provoking and can certainly help one gain confidence, self-awareness, and resilience, especially in difficult times of one's life.


Monday, April 05, 2004


Book Review: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus 

I have to admit that after hearing so much about this book for so many years, I had rather high expectations when I started reading it. While I would not say that I was completely blown away, it turned out to be a very worthwhile read.

The main objective of the book is to help men and women communicate better in relationships. The book is built on the premise that women and men speak in essence "different languages." While the Mars/Venus metaphor gets redundant rather quickly, the message it conveys is valid and thought-provoking. Men and women do tend to express themselves differently, which often causes breakdowns in communication between them. This book teaches us to be more sensitive to these differences, understand each other better, and be able to express our needs in a manner that the other person can understand. Above all, the book teaches us to respect each other, really listen to the other person, and be a better partner to them. In addition to raising our awareness about the different styles of communication, the book also gives many practical solutions to common problems, down to the exact words that one should say to achieve the desired result. While this may seem simplistic, it gives very useful illustration of these principles in action.

I do have some reservations about the book. First, the author takes a very stereotypical approach to both genders and their relationship. For example, most women in his examples are meek housewives who wait for their tired husbands to come home from work at the end of the day, and whose greatest joy in life is going shopping with their husband's money. While sometimes generalization may be necessary to make a point, such an old-fashioned idea of marriage made it difficult to apply the learnings wholeheartedly to my own situation. The second problem is that the major learning takes place in the first four chapters; the rest seem redundant and contain more filler material, reinforcing the points made in earlier chapters. Such repetition may be helpful to drive the points home, but it also makes for less-than-inspiring reading.

Despite some of the problems with the book, I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone. It contains a lot of very insightful information that can help anyone make immediate and lasting positive changes in their relationship with the opposite sex. The book is all the more valuable if both people in a couple read this book in order to gain a better understanding of each other and build a stronger foundation for their relationship together.

Sunday, April 04, 2004


Things May Seem Worse Than They Are 

I've often joked that I have ADD because I usually find it so difficult to concentrate on any single task, and my mind seems to wander a lot. Yesterday I was reading this post, I realized that this woman's description of her condition was very similar to how I often feel, and it occurred to me that I might have adult ADD myself. The thought was frightening. I realized that some of the things that I'm used to living with might actually be symptoms of this condition, and I was so stricken by fear that I started crying. To gather more data, I went to this website, where I took the diagnostic test. My responses were mixed: while I tend to avoid working on projects that are intellectually challenging for as long as I can (so that I am forced to perform under time pressure), I don't have much problem remembering things, such as appointments and obligations (at least, not more than the next person). My result: "The responses you have provided indicate that your symptoms may be consistent with Adult ADD. It may be beneficial for you to talk with your healthcare professional about an evaluation." Gah! I wish I'd realized this before I had my annual physical two weeks ago when I could have talked to my physician about this. Now I'm not sure whether I should investigate this further or not.

Having had some time to think it over, and after speaking with my hubby, I feel somewhat better about this. I think that at worst, I may have mild ADD tendencies, but I'm not even sure that I would really qualify as ill. After all, I've been able to get through 27 years of my life without much problems, always being able to excel academically and professionally in areas that are intellectually challenging and demanding.

I do wish that I had more willpower to concentrate on one thing at a time, though. When I'm doing something, it takes me enormous effort to concentrate on the task at hand, and I always distract myself with random thoughts and impulses that get into my head. As a result, I'm often significantly less productive than I would like to be. For example, last Friday I had no classes, but somehow I ended up spending the entire day without doing any work. Same on Saturday. Today, only at 6 pm did I finally start doing the readings. 2 3/4 days had passed with zero work getting done, even though I had tried to pick up the reading several times! I still hope that by getting back into a routine I will be able to get back on track. The last thing I want to do is make excuses for myself.


Friday, April 02, 2004


Personal Mission Statement 

I have written before about writing a personal mission statement, adapted from Stephen Covey's book. What would be a more appropriate in starting this new stage in my spiritual journey than to revisit my own mission statement, which I wrote back in July 2003. To be honest, I don't think that I have re-read it since last summer. Nevertheless, reading now I would not change a single word - it still captures so well everything that is important in my life. By posting it here, I will make sure that I always have it handy for future reference.

Personal Mission Statement

To find happiness, fulfillment, and value in living I will:

Have Patience in my interactions with others.
Pursue Growth – personal, intellectual, professional.
Strive for Excellence through each daily action.
Maintain my Integrity through each decision and action.

My husband is the most important person in my life, my best friend, and my partner. As a Wife, I will build a strong relationship with my husband, based on unconditional trust, respect, love, support, patience, and devotion. Together, we will create a home that is a place of joy, comfort, peace, and happiness for our family and guests.

As a Daughter, I will show love and respect for my parents, be forgiving of their shortcomings, give them generously of my time and attention, and be thankful for all the love and support that they have given me.

As a Sister, I will always be present in the lives of my brother and sister. I will strive to be an example and inspiration to them, as well as a source of unconditional love and support.

As a Friend, I will be generous, loyal, and dependable. I will actively maintain connections with my close friends and be a source of joy and support to them.

As a Businesswoman, I will have confidence and determination to go after my goals. I will show commitment and be an inspiration to others. I will work toward complete financial independence and will regularly save or invest for the future. Above all, I will strive to maintain balance in my professional life to ensure that it does not become all-consuming.

As a Student, I will strive for academic excellence and will continue learning throughout my life. I will seek to learn new things that help me grow as a person and will strive to establish relationships with my teachers. I will share what I learn with others.

As a Christian, I will seek spiritual fulfillment through study and religious practice. I will apply Christian principles of compassion and humility in my daily life.



A Fresh Start 

Sometimes we all need to take a break... to recharge our batteries, to fight the demons, to reassess our place in life and whether we are on the right path. That's what I did. I took an extended break from blogging in order to focus on some things in my life over the past eight months or so. I am confident that now I'm in a much better place, and feel ready and energized to continue on this journey.

I suppose a short update is in order. The past few months have been very busy for me. I'm currently in my last year of graduate school, and so had to focus on things like my classes (the courseload turned out to be much heavier than anticipated) and figuring out my next steps career-wise. I've experienced some ups and downs, such as not getting the job that I really wanted, then having a prolonged period of mild depression and questioning what I was doing with my life. It was a difficult time and I had little psychic energy left over to do any writing. Which is probably for the better, anyway.

I think that I have conquered most of those dark feelings by now. I now have accepted an attractive job offer, so that part of my life is also squared away for now. I've also been doing a lot of reading and thinking, and have a lot of fresh ideas that I want to pursue. Finally, I will have more time in the coming months due to a significantly lighter course load that I gave myself permission to carry (trust me, for a chronic overachiever like myself, that was not easy to do!).

One benefit of taking a break has been that it allowed me to reevaluate the purpose of this website. I'm happy with how it began, but I'm also planning to make it a more personal reflection of my journey - not just a collection of helpful advice. I am once again excited about writing here and look forward to sharing my journey with you!

Silence 

Words are the sweet-sounding strings of the human soul, the expression of one's feelings, of one's emotional experiences. Words are the supreme gift to us.

But there is something in life which makes words powerless. There are moments in one's life which cannot be conveyed in words. Thus silence is more eloquent than words. Silent sufferings are deeper and more painful. Silent joy is more turbulent.

To feel and not to say a word... To suffer silently, when one's heart is is bursting... To tremble, seized by a burst of happiness... And not to be able to express one's feelings in words or shouts. How great and boundless this language of silence!